Ruth Bader Ginsburg, female rights heroine and the second woman to serve as a justice of the Supreme Court in its two-hundred year history, did all that she should could for us. Her hope and her ask of the homogeneous governmental decision-makers for the progressively diverse America is that they take “take their feet from off our necks,” as quoted from social reformer, Sarah Grimké, who never even got the chance to practice law the 140 years before her.
Throughout her life, the Notorious R.B.G did her best to ease the tension off our necks, and now we have the baton. We must run with it.
I’ve had a lot of time on my hands to read and to think, recently going through the long recovery of a myomectomy. If you aren’t familiar, given the fact that I had been mispronouncing and then mispelling it for weeks until my surgery, it’s OK not to know that it is uterine fibroids. These are non-cancerous growths in the uterus that we do not know much about — and that does not surprise me. We have limited knowledge of this condition because 1. It’s prevalent in black woman, and although science loved to use our bodies for research unethically back in the day, that was not about us, as no one really cares about what affects this population directly. 2. We don’t even have enough studies about women in general, as evident when we look at menopause which is going to hit all of us someday.
And this female body, ladies — do you know how remarkable it is? It carries a human being, providing shelter, nutrients, and love. This body. For better or for worse, our female hormones drive sleepless nights, and — if we’ve got to polish off that tub of ice cream, how hard we can go during spin class, whether we want to come up swinging on someone or whether we want to cry during a Hallmark commercial. It affects everything. This body. The uterus is POWERFUL. That’s why we need to take care of it as best as we can. It can have us laid up in bed for days. I did not take the best care of mine, as I waited too long to see my OB, and here I am — having to learn how to use my whole body all over again like a toddler. The cysts grew massively and threatened all other organs.
But again, I did not know what lay before me. Ladies. Why don’t we talk about it more? Why do we suffer privately? I consciously made the decision that I will no longer feel embarrassed to share my experience with my girlfriends, guy friends, or even coworkers. Women need to know what to expect and men need to know what we go through especially when some think we are the weaker one of the species. Ha. Wait to you hear what we have to tell you.
You guys came from our bodies. Don’t play with us.
I’m not trying to make this about gender, but let’s get real — we are born with categorically different organs which determines how our bodies behave, so we have to go there.
This country is progressing in terms of representation in our government, though we do have some way to go. Today, women make up more than half of our population, yet only a little more than quarter sit in Congress and one-third in judicial positions. Representation overall, and leadership in general, should match the demographics. Straights shouldn’t be making decisions for the LGBTQIA+ community. The “majority” should not be making decisions for the minorities. And men should not be making decisions for women.
This system that we’re all mindless operating in is designed to keep us in our 1950s place in every way possible. We are expected to look a particular way. The modern day version is big butts, lips with a small waist and makeup and hair did. We are expected to act a certain way. Smile, be kind, don’t be assertive, be a team-player, and if you want to be taken seriously in the room — assume the qualities of the male that pounds that table. We are expected to minimize gender equality issues at the workplace. Lack of maternity leave, not being paid the same as our male counterparts, choosing career advancement over being away during the height of our child-bearing years.
But we have to let them, we are tired of adjusting to them, now they need to adjust to us because we are only going to grow in size at your next meeting.
It starts here and now and it starts with me telling you why I have to take a step back from my outside life. Beyond the gnarly scar across my belly, there is my hunched back carefully trying not disturb my insides. There is the feeling of my stretched uterus trying to go back to size and get re-situated. There is my once strong, now achy abs trying to hold me up as long as they can. There are tiny, white mysterious pimples on my chest. There is that fun post-op toilet trauma frightening my next meal. There is bleeding. And all that there is — is yes, it’s graphic and gross, but welcome to being a woman.
While we have had to power through, keep quiet, and pretend everything is roses - acting like we’re not going through it at times is not working out in our favor, now is it? My advice….
To the women going through fibroids…and birth, abortion, bad cycles, polycystic fibrosis, oocyte cryopreservation/IVF, miscarriages, hysterectomies, menopause —please talk about it. Share with your sisteren. They want us to feel ashamed, but they will never ever know what it’s like. If we can be real with each other — then, we won’t feel alone. Then, we will get wiser. Then, we will respect ourselves and they will fall in line.
To women in general, we tend to judge each other. So if you find yourself criticizing your fellow female…catch it and stop it. We have to be in this together. And also, be the only woman in room if you have to so we know what decisions are being made and we can let them know, in 2024 NOT TODAY, SIR!
For the guys, it’s not in our heads. Listen. Give grace. Believe us. Respect it and make room for us at the table.
And last but not least, for the guys who want to tell us what to do with our bodies, as you can see — we have enough to deal with already. Take your feet off our necks, and with all due respect, get the heck off of our uterus.
